AVOIDING ANOTHER HOARSE NIGHT

In the bathroom I ran
hot water over my hands
and remembered days before
Judy's red house on 17th Street was torn
down when I had almost become friends
with some of these people. Then Maureen went on location
for six weeks, or six months,
and Mike moved to New York and Cindy
to L.A. I didn't look in the mirror.

A woman has told me
that she and I are the only girls at this party
who are not in the film business.
This is not true.
At midnight there are sparklers
Keith brought back from a show in Wilmington.

I twisted my hair and tried to want to kiss you.
I am embarrassed by how little I felt.
No one else was shivering.
Before the time the new year arrives in the farthest time zone,
I have torn my fingernails to the quick
to avoid naming this coldness that must be named.

A roman candle whirls in the grass before splintering
light against the trees.